Reflection, not review
Internal, constructive, owned and closed
The year-end season.
Many of us ask each other how this year went and how next year will be better.
Even digital platforms like Spotify and LinkedIn give us year-end review (mostly to make us use their service more).
What happened this year and all the stats around it.
But should we be reviewing or reflecting?
Reviews are easy. Analyzing and rationalizing what happened.
Reflections are uncomfortable. Asking why we made these things happen.
Reviews help us make better plans, but reflections help us become better persons.
Growth is not external
We often tie our growth to external milestones. In startups, this is sales volume, product development, fundraising achieved. Promotion or awards for work, and even marriage for relationship.
And these external achievements are better proxies than alternatives (how much money you earn, how many followers you have).
But, one profound realization I’ve had this year is that external achievements and our growth can be completely separated.
We can grow without any external achievement.
Founders can grow without reaching the next fundraising round. Professionals can grow without any salary increase. We can personally grow without any significant event in our lives.
External achievements are by-products of our growth, not the cause. And if we try reversing, and Peter’s law will hit you in the face (ask Sam Bankman-Fried or Elizabeth Holme).
Constructive insight
Growth is improved capabilities. Being able to do something we were not able to before.
And growth cannot happen without constructive insight.
Diverse experience and analysis are needed, but deriving what can be improved next time is what fuels growth.
We need both great and terrible experience to learn.
Exposure to maximally different environments is the most effective.
But experience alone is not sufficient as many of us repeat the same mistake.
Reflecting upon our experience is what can stop or continue mistakes.
Seeing what went well, what didn’t, and most importantly, what we can do better next time.
Constructive insight.
With everything else the same, what can we do next time to have a better outcome?
In the age of AI, it is extremely easy to ask our tools for an objective constructive insight.
Ask the tools (ChatGPT, Granola):
“What could I have done better to improve the odds of a better outcome?”.
Constructive insight should always lead to an action that we can take.
After all, to become more able, we should know what to do better next time.
Radical ownership
The unexamined life is not worth living
Said Socrates.
But why do we not examine our lives well?
And why do we keep learning the wrong lessons?
Avoidance.
Most of us don’t reflect upon our lives because it’s uncomfortable.
So we avoid.
We avoid looking deep into our lives. We avoid owning our mistakes. We avoid our own lives.
Even when reflected, our action is avoidance.
A sales didn’t go through, so avoid that customer.
The industry is difficult, so avoid that industry.
A co-founder fallout happened, so avoid that co-founder.
Avoiding symptoms without addressing the root cause.
Avoiding specific people, places and things is an easy way out, but will never allow us to fully learn and grow.
But avoiding will not get us anywhere.
Keep avoiding until there’s no one else to avoid.
Because what in the end, it’s ourselves that we cannot avoid from.
Our inner child. What we wanted when we were young, but did not get.
Radical ownership is the only way to stop avoiding.
Being radically honest with yourself about yourself.
From past to present.
Best to worst.
Why we act this way.
Why we think this way.
Why we feel this way.
And own all the great and terrible things in our lives.
From past to present.
Best to worst.
Unconditionally, but fully accepted.
Radical ownership is not easy. It is very painful at times.
But fully owning ourselves is the only way to stop avoiding ourselves.
Once we radically own ourselves, we can at last reflect well.
Reflection as a closure
Once we start real reflection of our lives, a beautiful thing occurs.
Proper closure of unresolved feelings.
We see our lives as fully our own, and decide new direction with constructive insight.
Reopening of future possibilities.
We rarely reflect properly.
Many times, we just keep drifting, going with the status quo.
But living a life that is not true to us is the worst regret of humankind (The Top Five Regrets of the Dying).
Reflect to close.
Close out this year.
Close out everything we avoid.
Close out all our past wants.
Let us ask ourselves:
What truths have I been avoiding to face? And what can I do to fully own my life?
That’s it for today. If this resonated, share it with those interested in reflection, not review. And if you haven’t yet, subscribe to keep exploring deep thoughts.
With Love,
Koshu